Parents’ Own Unconscious Patterns

It’s vital to become aware of our own unconscious parenting patterns. You’ll know that your unconscious is in charge if you’ve ever found yourself:

• yelling at your children
• parenting just like your mother did, even though you vowed you never would
• saying to yourself, “I can’t believe I just did that. Was that really me?”

You will enjoy fewer episodes of these disconcerting experiences as you come to know more about the antics of your unconscious and its rhyme and reason.

Unconscious Patterns Come from the Past

Our experiences from our own childhoods can affect our parenting, and we may not be consciously aware this is happening. Sometimes, patterns can even be traced to previous generations.

If we are not aware of our unconscious patterns, they can come out of the blue and take us over. We might get the feeling of being disconnected from our true selves. We might feel embarrassed or ashamed about our behaviour, but seem unable to stop because we don’t know what else to do.

Helping Parents Reconnect with themselves

My approach to psychotherapy is based on helping parents reconnect with their own deepest selves so they are then also able to connect with their children. I use principles from depth/Jungian psychology, which attends to the unconscious. I also draw on Family Systems, Mindfulness, and cognitive approaches.

We need to connect with, and hold on to, our kids.

“We need to hold on to our children until our work is done. We need to hold on not for selfish purposes but so they can venture forth, not to hold them back but so they can fulfill their developmental destinies. We need to hold on to them until they can hold on to themselves.”
                                   – Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté, Hold On To Your Kids (2005)